In 2019, there were 179,871 live births to mothers between the ages of 15 and 19. Of these, roughly 85 percent were not planned – and an unplanned pregnancy can be a scary time for any mother, let alone a… Read More
I am Dean Kirschner. Why "Libby's Corner?" This blog, actually, all of Adoption Makes Family, is a tribute to my mother who brought adoption to our family in 1956 when my older sister was adopted.
When my mother died in 1967, she left a legacy of love for children that transcended any biological connection. Having been only 8 years old at the time of her death, I do not recall hearing specific words about adoption from my mother. However, through the years, having many conversations with her friends and our family, I have learned so much about my mother's feelings toward children, toward adoption.
Personally, the experience of adoption has been in my life since my own birth. I'm the little brother of an older sister who was adopted at birth. Adoption was never a big deal in our family. We were all treated the same. Biologically conceived by our parents or adopted, there was never a sense for me that we were loved any differently.
I remember at my first home study meeting in preparation to adopt my first son. The social worker asked if I had any personal experience with adoption. My first reaction was a sense of connection. I lived with adoption all my life. I embrace adoption. Now, I am the father of two boys, both adopted.
Every day I realize how much I love my sons. I laugh with my sons. I play with my sons. I parent my sons. Some days there are frustrations. More days, there are fun and joyful times with my sons. Some days, I have had to be a disciplinarian. More days, I am the supporter, the advocate, the fixer, the helper, the confidant, the teacher, the guide, the safety net, the protector. To sum it up, I'm Dad.
My sons are adopted, yet we don't hold that term as a distinction of difference. We celebrate adoption as a means by which I became Dad and they became my children. When I introduce my sons, I introduce them as my sons. Introduce my sister as my sister. The stories of how we became a family are amazingly wonderful. We share our adoption stories proudly. The adoption stories speak to the excitement of becoming a sister, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew.
I have spoken with my sister and my sons about their feelings about their birth parents and the adoption. No one has forgotten that they were adopted, because adoption is an open conversation in our family. However, there is no angst about adoption. We answer questions honestly and allow complete and open discussions about birth parents and their adoption story. There are no mysteries or secrets. There are stories of love, excitement and family.
As for how we get along as siblings, my sister and I have our disagreements. More often, we have our agreements. We have fought, loved, laughed, played. We are just normal siblings. I don't feel adoption plays into our relationship. We have had wonderful discussions about adoption and birth parents. However, when it comes down to just being brother and sister, we are just that. Brother and sister. My sister has actively reached out and chatted with birth mothers who have created an adoption plan with Adoption Makes Family.
My sons have the same type of relationship. They love like brothers. They fight like brothers. They protect each other and look out for each other. They are not biologically related. They are related through adoption. But, above all, they are brothers.
And so, I turn back to my mother, Libby. I learned from my mother the unconditional love for children. Starting in her own little corner of our family, she shaped me, my sister, my sons and our world. Hopefully, this blog, Libby's Corner, can do the same for you.
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How Should My Child Refer to Their Biological Parents?
How you speak is just as important as what you say. This is perhaps never more true than when speaking with a child about adoption and their biological parents. “Parents have to think about how they communicate and what kind… Read More
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Adoption Counseling Services in Maryland
A birth mother’s decision to create an adoption plan is never an easy one. However, “many birth parents are able to reconcile the loss and make peace with the decision,” according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway. But it can… Read More
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How to Create an Adoption Plan in Maryland
An unplanned pregnancy can be tough, especially if you are not in a place in life where raising a child is really feasible. So, you may be considering creating an adoption plan, but are unsure what to do first. This… Read More
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Why Would I Choose Open Adoption?
When crafting her adoption plan, you have a very important decision to make about your future. Where do you fit in your child’s life? It can be difficult looking that far into the future, but there are generally three options… Read More
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Communicating Your Adoption Plan to the Hospital
The birth of a child requires a lot of forethought on the part of the mother. You should think about what you want from this experience. What is your birth plan (and adoption plan)? While some things may be out… Read More
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What Will They Ask Me When Creating an Adoption Plan?
After weighing your options and deciding adoption is the best choice for both you and your child, it is time to start outlining your preliminary adoption plan. We say preliminary adoption plan because it is important to understand that creating… Read More
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Transracial Adoption: White Parents Raising Black Children (Part Two)
In Part One of this two-part blog series, we detailed advice for white parents raising black children as the result of a transracial adoption. We discussed concepts such as Having “The Talk,” Asking for Help, Celebrate Identity, and Responding to… Read More
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I Just Learned My Daughter Is Pregnant. What Should I Do?
One of the most frequently asked questions we hear at Adoption Makes Family comes from parents who learn that their daughter is pregnant – “What should I do?” How Can I Help My Daughter? We understand that learning about your… Read More
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Can the Birth Mother Change Her Mind about Adoption?
One of the questions we are asked quite often by both biological and adoptive parents is whether or not birth mothers can change their mind about adoption. And the answer is YES. It is important to remember that an adoption… Read More