Libby's Corner - Blog

I am Dean Kirschner. Why "Libby's Corner?" This blog, actually, all of Adoption Makes Family, is a tribute to my mother who brought adoption to our family in 1956 when my older sister was adopted.

When my mother died in 1967, she left a legacy of love for children that transcended any biological connection. Having been only 8 years old at the time of her death, I do not recall hearing specific words about adoption from my mother. However, through the years, having many conversations with her friends and our family, I have learned so much about my mother's feelings toward children, toward adoption.

Personally, the experience of adoption has been in my life since my own birth. I'm the little brother of an older sister who was adopted at birth. Adoption was never a big deal in our family. We were all treated the same. Biologically conceived by our parents or adopted, there was never a sense for me that we were loved any differently.

I remember at my first home study meeting in preparation to adopt my first son. The social worker asked if I had any personal experience with adoption. My first reaction was a sense of connection. I lived with adoption all my life. I embrace adoption. Now, I am the father of two boys, both adopted.

Every day I realize how much I love my sons. I laugh with my sons. I play with my sons. I parent my sons. Some days there are frustrations. More days, there are fun and joyful times with my sons. Some days, I have had to be a disciplinarian. More days, I am the supporter, the advocate, the fixer, the helper, the confidant, the teacher, the guide, the safety net, the protector. To sum it up, I'm Dad.

My sons are adopted, yet we don't hold that term as a distinction of difference. We celebrate adoption as a means by which I became Dad and they became my children. When I introduce my sons, I introduce them as my sons. Introduce my sister as my sister. The stories of how we became a family are amazingly wonderful. We share our adoption stories proudly. The adoption stories speak to the excitement of becoming a sister, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew.

I have spoken with my sister and my sons about their feelings about their birth parents and the adoption. No one has forgotten that they were adopted, because adoption is an open conversation in our family. However, there is no angst about adoption. We answer questions honestly and allow complete and open discussions about birth parents and their adoption story. There are no mysteries or secrets. There are stories of love, excitement and family.

As for how we get along as siblings, my sister and I have our disagreements. More often, we have our agreements. We have fought, loved, laughed, played. We are just normal siblings. I don't feel adoption plays into our relationship. We have had wonderful discussions about adoption and birth parents. However, when it comes down to just being brother and sister, we are just that. Brother and sister. My sister has actively reached out and chatted with birth mothers who have created an adoption plan with Adoption Makes Family.

My sons have the same type of relationship. They love like brothers. They fight like brothers. They protect each other and look out for each other. They are not biologically related. They are related through adoption. But, above all, they are brothers.

And so, I turn back to my mother, Libby. I learned from my mother the unconditional love for children. Starting in her own little corner of our family, she shaped me, my sister, my sons and our world. Hopefully, this blog, Libby's Corner, can do the same for you.

• Dealing with a Birth Father Who Disagrees with the Adoption Plan

  • August 19th, 2015
  • Posted in Blog, Creating an Adoption Plan
  • Tags Adoption Plan, Birth Father

  When creating an adoption plan, it is always best when both birth parents are in agreement. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. So what happens when the birth father disagrees with decisions the birth mother has made?  What happens… Read More

• What Factors Go into Creating an Adoption Plan for an Unplanned Pregnancy?

  • July 29th, 2015
  • Posted in Blog, Creating an Adoption Plan
  • Tags Creating an Adoption Plan, Unplanned Pregnancy

  An unplanned pregnancy can be a tough time filled with confusion and uncertainty. There are probably a million questions running through your head. How did this happen? What do I do next? Am I ready to be a parent? Can… Read More

• A Birth Mother’s Story – Joslin

  • June 14th, 2012
  • Posted in Birth Mother Stories, Blog

  We ask birth mothers to share their story if they choose.  Here is what Melissa wrote:

   

  My story is not easy to tell. It is about two people dedicated to each other and to giving our child the best possible life…even if it means that it isn’t with us.

  I found out I was pregnant on a hot July day. At only 20 years old, I was very scared and felt alone.          

  For the first couple of weeks, my boyfriend Brandon and I weighed our options. Abortion was completely out of the question. We debated raising our baby ourselves and at first got excited about the idea. After talking to our families, however, reality set in. Neither my family nor Brandon’s family were in physical or financial states to help us. Brandon was having difficulty finding work and I wasn’t making enough money to be able to support all of us.

  We then decided that we were going to give our child what she deserved; a life where she never had to go without as we did growing up.

  We came to the agreement of adoption.

  We contacted Dean at Adoption Makes Family, filled out paperwork, and set up a meeting. The first time we met Dean, he was so warm and heartfelt that we immediately felt at ease with our decision. He brought over portfolios of adoptive families for us to look through.

  That’s when we fell in love with Chris and Michelle, the adoptive family.

  After the first meeting with Chris and Michelle, Brandon and I knew our baby was going to be so happy, loved, and very well cared for in their home.

  As the pregnancy progressed, we grew even closer to them. Michelle and I even agreed on a name together and she let me honor my mother and grandmother by picking the middle name for our daughter.

  On March 22, 2012 at 9:43 P.M., Madelyn Rose was welcomed to the world weighing in at 6 lbs. 5 oz., 19 inches, and very healthy! Brandon and I got very emotional the next day when it came time to sign the paperwork that sealed the adoption. Dean remained supportive the whole entire time.

  The next morning was the hardest thing in my life I’ve ever had to do. I had to say goodbye to my daughter, who I carried for 9 months, felt every movement and kick, and stole my heart just 36 hours before.

  As soon as I left the hospital I cried for the whole rest of the day in Brandon’s arms. 

  Adoption does cause stress on every party involved. Brandon and I were just two young people in love, forced by our circumstances to make a scary decision for the innocent life of an unborn child. Looking back, however, we wouldn’t change our decision for the world.

  We keep in contact with Dean and love receiving updates and pictures of Madelyn. It makes us feel good to know that we made the dreams of our baby and two loving parents come true by choosing adoption.